Not a small average move II

Let's continue from where we last left off.

(If you have no idea what that means, may I suggest reading THIS post first). 

We arrived at our destination on a Monday.  We were welcomed by the Pastor, Co-Pastor and Ruben's uncle.  They took us home, and we quickly headed out to purchase our essentials.  Ruben gave us a tour of the area and by the time we arrived home and set up our things it was bedtime.  We were so tired everyone fell asleep quickly. The next day we had to run some important errands, so we did that. We headed to New Orleans and spent most of our day there. Since we had arrived, we had been so busy settling in that I didn't really have time to sit down and process all my emotions.  BUT It was Tuesday, and Tuesday is a church day.  So when the time came we got ready and went to church. 

We arrived at the church.  We sat down in the safest place to me.  In the left-est side of the church, which is where I would've sat in Canada.  I would've sat in the front but as a new person I was only there to "observe". (you know how it is).  So there we are sitting awkwardly. Spectating. Like new people do.  Then this man goes up to the altar and says "Let's come to the front for prayer like we always do... etc"  So we obey and go up to the front-ish.  Then the same man says "Let's form prayer circles.. prayer circles..."  I think my facial expression must've indicated I was freaking out because the Co-pastor approached us and said "Guys, please don't feel pressured.  Just relax!".  I laugh at it now, but in that moment I was completely terrified. My thoughts were where do I go? Who am I going to pray with? y'all (introverts) know what I'm talking about.  So there I am standing awkwardly and a tiny bit emotional, but at least I'm not alone. Ruben and the kids are also standing awkwardly with me so I still feel a little safe.  

Suddenly, someone comes and tells Ruben the pastor wants to see him in his office. So he leaves, and I started to get a tad more emotional.  Then someone comes up and says "Today we have the nursery, and the kids have a class", and they take my kids, and I'm left there standing alone. That is when it FINALLY sank in. "I moved. I am far away. My family is not here. This is not my church.  I am no longer in control of anything. I am no longer in the know.  I am alone."  My eyes started to water, and I couldn't hold my tears back.  I was glad it was prayer time because I just sat down and put my head on the chair really hoping people thought I was praying. I really think they did, but in reality, I was really really trying to compose myself, because, well you know, first impressions. So I told my myself "suck it up, Cindy!", and I did.  Eventually, Ruben came back, and I managed to go through the rest of the service without shedding a noticeable tear.  

The following days were challenging, we were still getting stuff and remaining busy. Neither Ruben nor I had started working yet. We were still settling in, and getting things organized.  Trying to get a car, getting Benji in school, getting phones, and all the other millions of things that had to get done for us to feel at home.  We encounter some really tedious obstacles along the way and felt like everything was going wrong. It wasn't, it was all the emotions building up.

Then Friday came, prayer service.  Again with the prayer circles! I went to front this time, feeling a little more confident, and no one came to pray with me.  People, please if you see a new person just standing there awkwardly, go and reach out to them. It'll make all the difference!!  So I stood there holding my baby, as he was my safety net, and I got emotional. I cried, but this time I prayed and asked God to help me get a hold of my emotions. The whole time trying to maintain composure, so as to show that I was praying.. not crying!  And so I managed to get through this service as well.  At one point during the service, Pastor asked a sister in the church to speak about how she had to leave everything when she moved to this church. That geared towards us to encourage, no doubt.  She spoke about how hard it was, and how she thought it was worth it because she loved the church and everyone in it! Indeed, it was encouraging to see the God brings you through it, but it also made me question if I would ever feel part of or ever love this church?

When we got home, everyone went to bed. I just sat on the bed. sad. Ruben asked me what was wrong? and that is when I really got emotional. I expressed how no one came to pray with me, and how prayer circles were dumb (they are not), and how everything was different, and how I missed my family, and my church, and my friends, and my job, and everything was going wrong, and the list went on and on. And I cried and cried and cried. And my husband just heard me out, and simply said "I miss my family too, but I am your family and I am here for you", and he just held me until I had cried it all out.  He's a great guy.  We realized we were trying to do too much in a little bit of time, and that it takes time to settle in. We decided to take one thing at a time, for our own emotional sake. 

The lesson to learn here is that sometimes you just gotta cry! Just let it all out. Cry your little heart out until you feel better. That's all you need to do sometimes.  I definitely felt better afterward and I haven't cried about that since... well except on my bday, and the other day when I talked about my mom.  OK, it's normal to cry when you miss family, but I no longer dwell on that, thanks to God! God brought me through it like he always does. Praise Him!

About two weeks later I had to deal with a different kind of emotion, but that's a story for another post.

Not a small average move, I must say

I have intentionally neglected this blog.  Although in my mind I am always thinking about it.  It has been with good reason and I do feel that I owe an explanation. The reason is that we moved.  Not a small average move, I must say. We have moved to a different country. If you follow me on social media, you know by now that we moved to Louisiana.

My husband lived here in his teens and has always had a desire to return.  When we first got married he mentioned wanting to move here and I was absolutely against it. I had made a promise to myself that I would never ever return to the States. Just the thought of even visiting would give me a knot in my stomach, and a nauseating unsettling feeling. So that's how we lived; never thinking about it again. Every now and then my husband would reminisce about his days in the south and state how much he loved it, and that's how far the conversation would ever go.

One day my husband received an invitation to preach at a youth event in Louisiana, which he accepted.  In preparation for this event, he mentioned how nervous he was because he hadn't been there for so long. He made plans to visit his old church, which his uncle is the pastor of.  The day approached fast and he left for the weekend. I stayed home praying for him, and in my Spirit, I knew that he would not come back the same. I was right. When he returned something had changed in him. He told me that they had invited him to preach at his old church, and when he preached something happened in his Spirit.  He felt a connection with the people. They mentioned to him that they were in need of a youth pastor, and asked if he could stay.  Of course, my husband rejected the idea. He had his family and church that he loved and was not willing to leave. He told me about how they prayed for him and he felt that something happened inside of him, but he could not explain it.  We revisited the topic of moving once again, and after much discussion, we decided we could not leave our families and our church.

About a month later, he received another invitation to preach at his uncle church.  He accepted.  When he returned he told me that they invited him to leaders prayer.  They prayed and prophesied over him and he received a word from God. He didn't tell anyone what he had received. It so happens that at the very last minute before his departure he was ambushed by the church leaders basically asking him to move.  They had been intensely praying for quite some time for a youth leader, and the need was great. They expressed the concern they had for the youth group of their church.  This was in accordance with the word God had given him. Even so, the only thing that my husband answered was that he would speak to his wife and pray about it.  They said they would pray too.  That was it.  We spoke about it, and there were a lot of things that would be hard to leave unless God intervened.  So we prayed and they prayed, and I could feel the pull of their prayers in my spirit.

Through prayer, I understood that my husband had a greater calling than what he was doing.  I also understood that he needed mentorship, and to be moved from his comfort zone to be able to fulfill what God had planned for him.  I told God that I believed in my husbands calling, that I knew that I was also part of the plan and that I would go but only if He placed everything in order. As I spoke these words in prayer that knot and the nauseating feeling was lifted. But oh, how heavy were those words in my heart. To leave all those you love, and all that you have worked hard for. IT WAS NOT EASY!  My husband and I prayed, waited and set a date, to set a date. During this time we set signs that only God knew and only God could fulfill.

As time went by all the things that were happening were indicating that God was working in Lousiana's favor.  I will not get into details of everything that suddenly changed, but signs were fulfilled.  All I can say is that when you ask God to guide you, He does. And he does so in a way that you will clearly understand. YOU have to be realistic and accept God's guidance.  Many times he speaks to us again and again and we choose not to understand because we prefer to be where we are comfortable.  God spoke to us, as clear as day, and we understood.

A date for the move was set. We spoke to our loved ones, and although they were sad, they understood.  This was the pattern with everyone we spoke.  To our surprise, there was no opposition. I mean in our human-ness we thought no one cared, but now I know that was not the case. Well, I guess it is NO surprise because God does all things perfect. We bought our plane tickets, quit our jobs, sold all of our possessions and literally came with a suitcase of clothes each. Now, I do not recommend this unless you are 100% sure that God is calling you elsewhere.  So like, don't try this at home type of thing. I still can't believe it, to be honest.

Everything happened so fast. (as seems to be the norm in my life)  All of a sudden we were on a plane to our new life. I didn't even cry on the plane. I was so worried about the kids, who did amazing by the way, that I didn't have time to process my emotions until a few days after the move...  and that story is for the next post.

October 30, 2017

The best advice given to me

About a year or so ago, I was in desperate need of help. I honestly thought I was going to end up ill from stress or something. I was overwhelmed with so many things on my plate and was having a hard time balancing all of my responsibilities.

At a church conference, I met Sis. Torres.  I had heard her husband mention how they went into ministry quite young and also had small children during that time and I felt like I could relate.  So, when we were at a pastor’s lunch I was praying to God that I would somehow end up sitting near Sis. Torres so I could ask her for some advice. Basically, I just needed someone to talk to that had been in a similar position as me.  Somehow, because God knows, she ended up sitting right beside me. We engaged in some small talk. I finally got the courage to ask her how she was able to balance ministry, motherhood and all the other responsibilities; she gave me the best advice.  I had asked other people and they had just said “hang in there. God will reward you. Your kids will grow. It’ll get better.” This advice was not wrong, but to be honest not very helpful.   

Sis. Torres said to me “honestly sister, raise your kids. Your kids will not be little forever but whatever you teach them NOW will stay with them forever. You are in the season of raising your kids, and God knows, you can do all those things later.  There will be other opportunities, but you will never have your kids this young again.” 

She is right, and I have taken this advice to heart. Since receiving this advice, I’ve had to say no to many things but I’ve also learned that I can’t control everything and it’s okay to let other take control.

Plus, he is the happiest baby ever! 

P.S.  I want to do a Q&A for next post. Send me your questions and I will answer them on here. 

He used my son to comfort me.

Last week was a hard week for us.  I have had a couple of bad weeks in the past few months, but last week was possibly the hardest week.  I found myself, one evening sitting on my bed talking with God.  I said to Him, "God, whenever anyone needs someone to talk to, or is upset; I am there for them.  When someone needs advice; I am there.  When someone needs encouragement; I am there.  When someone needs prayer; I am there... but what happens when I am the one who needs advice, encouragement, and prayer.  Who will be there for me?"  I felt like that clown that made all the sad people laugh, but when the clown was sad no one was there to make him laugh.  

I was just sitting there in silence staring at the blank wall, when all the of the sudden I felt these small little arms wrap around me, and a sweet little voice that said "It's Otay, mama"  Yes that was enough to make me cry like a baby.  I'm not sure if Benjamin understood why I was crying, but he just held on to me until I finally calmed down. 

I understood that God was telling me, that I could go to Him, that He would be there for me whenever I need Him.  He used my son to comfort me, and to let me know that He is with me, and I was reminded of God's promise in ISAIAH 41:10...

Don’t be afraid, for I am with you.
    Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you.
    I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.

You know what, I'm ok now.  God knew what I needed.  He's amazing! 

I thank Benji for allowing himself to be used by God. 

 I know this little guy will a great man of God. 

It was wonderful.

This past Saturday we had a ladies brunch that I hosted. It was wonderful. I had a great time. We ate, chatted, gave our testimonies, and in the end the younger ladies played ping-pongs while the older ladies chatted. The was much laughter coming from the ping-pong area. I'm so grateful for all these lovely ladies.

Without further ado....pictures. Yay! (is that  how you say it?)

Personal Testimony:
Recently I had been feeling a bit blue.  I was feeling like I wasn't giving anything to the ministry. Mainly because I was on mommy duty.  I always said I wanted to be an active ministers wife. It was upsetting me.. that i was just kind of the sidelines.. so I prayed about it, and then gave me the idea to do a ladies breakfast.. and I did.  And guess what? We had a visitor who requested a Bible study, and even went to service that night.  It's amazing how God works.