In my eyes I'm the worst, but in his eyes I’m the best

In honor of Jason turning 4 last month.

“Do you have a lot to do right now?” is the question I get from Jason every night at bedtime.  He asks me this because he wants me to tuck him in and stay there cuddling until he falls asleep.  Of course, this is very untimely because, as any mother knows, THAT IS the time to get stuff done. Stuff like wash the dishes, fold the laundry, sweep, mop, shower, relax and basically anything that needs no interruption. 

So I’ll say to Jason “I have to fold laundry but as soon as I’m done I will come and check on you. Ok?”, and he’ll responded with a very disappointed “ok” I follow through though. I do check on him afterwards but he is always asleep when I get there. AND when that happens, I feel as though I have let him down – that is the worst feeling.  Mom-guilt.    So then I lay in bed contemplating how I can do better as a mom and give my children all they need from me. I think of what I did wrong, and what I could improve.  There I lay - thinking and thinking… until I finally I fall asleep. So then, I go to sleep with mom guilt.

The funny thing is – in the morning when I wake Jason, he is just so happy to see me.  He sees me as though I have done nothing wrong, and all the mom guilt goes away.  My son just loves me and he is blind to all my failures. In my eyes I'm the worst, but in his eyes I’m the best!   

Isn’t that just the most accurate representation of who Jesus is? Like Lamentations 3:22-23 says “Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.” We fail God daily, and yet His mercies are new every morning.

That being said, sometimes I do indulge Jason (and myself) and I’ll just snuggle with him until he falls asleep.  Sometimes I even let him snuggle with me in my bed… especially when he walks through the bedroom door with sleepy eyes. After all- he is my baby. 

Life Update

This is for those (if any!) are just wondering what we have been up to, why haven't I blogged, and are we still alive!?

We are alive...and well, Praise God!

I got a job. I’m working at a law firm, doing what I went to school for.  Yay! I really love this job. Not only do I get my own office, but I am also learning lots of new things. Recently, I was helping our attorney prepare for trial, and it was so interesting. I was working in a law firm before this, in Canada, but that was real-estate law.  This is litigation, and it is completely different. I definitely prefer Litigation. 

So since, I’m working now, you may be asking.  Well who takes care of the children? Well…

Benjamin is in 1st grade now, which means he spends most of his day at school.  He has after school care.  Most days he gets picked up by us right away.  Sometimes he has to wait a little bit, but he is well taken care of.  He’s a big boy now. I mean look at him. He’s growing and he is handsome. I don’t want him to grow up!!  Ugh… Soon he’s going to start liking girls... I can’t think about this right now.  Let’s move on. 

Jason is going to daycare/preschool. We found a new daycare in our area that also has a curriculum.  When we enrolled he was put in the two-year-old class, but they switch him over the threes because he is too advanced. I believe it, that kid can talk up a storm, and he’s super smart!  He knows his ABC’s (at the song...anyway).  Look at him; so cute. I don’t want him to grow up either…

I am usually gone to work by the time everyone wakes up.  So, Ruben gets the kids ready in the morning and drops them off. Most of the time he picks them up too because his job is more flexible than mine. Honestly, I hesitated working again because my worry was the kids.Ruben re-assured me multiple times that he would do everything in his power to help me and so far, he has kept true to his word.  So much, that I think that now Jason loves him more than me. Seriously. He cries for his dad! Even though this should make me feel worthless, it actually makes me really happy. My kids should love their dad that much. He is a good man!  

And so that’s it for now. I haven't blogged because... to be completely honest, I just haven't made time. We are very active in church, and so any time that we have free we spent it together, or doing the extensive piles of laundry.  So that is the honest-to-God truth. 

I would like to promise to you that I will blog every week, but I have made that promise before and have failed.(sorry!)  I will, however, blog on some special occasions that are coming up.  So.. just follow me on social media, and you will know when I post. 

k bye.

Baby Jay

Jason's update.


My baby is growing up too fast. I just received an email that reminded me that he is 21 months! Wow. Time has gone so very fast, I cannot believe it. He will be TWO in 3 months? 


Jason's sense of humor is amazing. Actually, I might just be saying that because he thinks I am hilarious, and that has always been my dream haha. Seriously though, he is such a happy person.  His laughter just fills the house with joy. He wakes up happy and goes to sleep happy. Just has an overall wonderful perspective on life. The only time he is grumpy pants is when he is sleepy, and I can definitely relate to that! He’s also very polite. He says “ank you”, “Peesh”, and “nuni” (excuse me). Seriously how adorbs! We bought him clothes the other day, and it didn’t matter that it wasn't named brand, or slightly big on him, or exactly what he wanted... he was Just excited and said: “ank you”.  Ack! 




Jason’s personality is so interesting. As of now, I have noticed some interesting things about his character. For instance, during a recent beach day my husband, Benji and Cousin Echo decided that they were going to have a race. So they got into position, and wanting to be part of the grand event, so did Baby Jason. There was a countdown and they all took off, including baby. He was waaaaaaaaayyyy behind, but what I really liked is that he kept going.  I was power walking along his side and he was running out of breath, but he kept going until he finally reached them.  What I found amazing is that he didn’t get discouraged because he was way behind, he just kept going until he completed his purpose.  Even though the others didn’t consider him, he didn’t care. I was just thinking to myself what a beautiful attitude to have, and a lesson to learn. God's word is so right when he says we must be like a child. Praises. 



The point is that he has a big heart.  He says hi to everyone, and wants to share everything he has.  He does not hold grudges and is so loving and sweet. Not just that, but sometimes I will be holding him on my lap and he will look over at other children having fun, and his face will just light up.  Genuine happiness to see others having a good time. When I see his face, I just melt on the inside.

Oh, I love him.

Jason's First Birthday

I just wanted to do a little throwback (even though it's not Thurs) to November and share Jason's 1st birthday. I apologize for the delay.

I am more of small-intimate-personal celebration but since Benjamin had a 1st birthday party, I thought it was only fair. Plus first birthdays are a pretty big deal in this family! So...for Jason's party we went with a lumberjack because he is a tough little man.  

I created the invitation first (of course) and we centered all the decorations around that. My friend Yenni, from The Pink Door Decor, help set up my vision AND she made the amazing cake with a little surprise on the inside.  It was delicious!  So onward with the millions of photos...

Surprise! 

Yenni also made these cupcakes and the toppers! 

The surprise inside

Little favors

My dad :)

Ruben didn't get the memo in time! LOL

 We had a great time and Jason had a great time.
He didn't cry and was happy through out the whole party.
I can't believe how fast his first year went by! 

A little about this, now, one year old

The day my baby Jay was born was exactly, one year ago. It's been ONE WHOLE YEAR.  I can’t even comprehend, Is this for real!? 

I don’t know if I am biased but Jason is just the cutest baby I have ever seen. Irresistibly cute. When I am my most tired, and trying to catch up on some z’s, I hear him get up.  With all my might, I desire for him to go back to sleep, but he doesn’t. He gets up, stands in his crib, and calls me and/or Ruben.  We avoid looking over because when we do, he sprouts the most precious smile you have ever seen, and we can’t help but walk over there and squish hug him!!  What can I say? He is very persuasive.

Well here is a little about this, now, one year old.

1.   He has a little 'tude.  It’s true! When this child gets angry, he gets angry.  He raises his little voice, and frowns his little face. It’s a very cute display of anger, I must admit.

2.   He loves to eat. He eats everything and anything.  It’s a piece of paper? Who cares! He will try and eat it. His pastime is crawling around looking for things to eat, so his mom (me), has to make sure that nothing, absolutely nothing, is on the ground.  Yay for me.

3.   He loves his mom more.  Exceptions: When dad is home.

4.   You have never seen dance moves like his. He practices any time he gets a chance.  Anytime!  Even in public, and he doesn't care who is looking. 

5.   When the bathwater starts running, you better move out of his way. In a split second there is serious determination is this youngling, and he will take out whatever tries to stop him from bath time.

6.    Jason has serious persuasion powers.  Be careful.  I’m telling you that smile will get you doing anything his little heart desires. 

Well that's enough for now.

Happy Birthday to Jason! 

Milestones

Jason turned 9 months on Monday.  9 MONTHS!!  I cannot believe how fast time has gone by.  (Did I really give birth 9 months ago?)

I am not quite sure how I feel about this post.  Bittersweet, I guess.  That seems to be the anthem of my life. One day you are a mother of one handsome little boy, and the next day you are welcoming another handsome little boy.  It seems like just a little while ago, I was only indulging in my own little selfish pleasures, and now I am all about selfless giving, and to 3 men, intentionally!!  Ahhh life.

In less than a month, Ruben and I will be celebrating our 6 year anniversary. Wow.  Shortly after that, Benji will start school. Double wow!... AND shortly after that, Jason will turn ONE!!  I am baffled by all these milestones and changes.  Life truly is a rollercoaster.

All I have to say is.. Thank you Jesus, Keep them coming!

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To Four!

My kids are both 4 and It’s probably the only time that will ever happen.  One is 4 years and the other is 4 months.  Jason turned 4 months and I am loving this stage of his life.  He is the cutest baby boy I have ever seen, and yes I am biased.  I can be. He is mine.

He’s so happy and smiley.  

It's SOOOO Adorbs. 

I love it when Jason wakes in the morning or after nap.  I hear him calling out to be rescued from the crib.  When I go over to him; his little eyes are closed and are struggling to open. After he finally gets his eyes open he sees me, and just gives me the most wonderful and gentle smile.  It’s my favorite part of the day.  (I posted a clip of it on Instagram)

At 4 months he:
-Does not need a haircut. (unlike Benji)
-Holds his head up,
-Reaches for things,
-Sits unassisted for like a minute
-Holds his bottle for like 2 seconds
-Rolls over with some arm assistance
-LOLs
-Screams in the middle of service, making everyone turn to look at me.
-Pulls the baby hairs on the back of neck.
-Tries to eat my face
-Smiles, laughs and plays with everyone.
-Is the cutest wittle babay! 

 Experts say (The expert being my dad. A title well deserved after having 4 beautiful girls *ahem) that at 4 months they begin to say mama or dada. ‘Til this day I haven’t heard a “mama” or “dada”.  So the big question is… What will he say first? The suspense.  I am constantly trying to get him to say at least “ma” but nothing.  Benji said Mama first, and only one time.  After that one and only time it was “dada.. dada.. dada.." blah blah yeah yeah.  I wholeheartedly refuse to believe this will be the case again.   It simply cannot be!  

What do you think he will say first?  

#TeamMama !!

My Boys

 This little guy will be four weeks soon, and life has been quite interesting with two boys.  

I would like to say I have the energy, enthusiasm and time to tell you all about it... BUT I don't. 

 Another day it will be.  

For now, enjoy some photos, yay!  

 Didn't know that you could fall in love so many times!  

I love my boys!