Life Update

This is for those (if any!) are just wondering what we have been up to, why haven't I blogged, and are we still alive!?

We are alive...and well, Praise God!

I got a job. I’m working at a law firm, doing what I went to school for.  Yay! I really love this job. Not only do I get my own office, but I am also learning lots of new things. Recently, I was helping our attorney prepare for trial, and it was so interesting. I was working in a law firm before this, in Canada, but that was real-estate law.  This is litigation, and it is completely different. I definitely prefer Litigation. 

So since, I’m working now, you may be asking.  Well who takes care of the children? Well…

Benjamin is in 1st grade now, which means he spends most of his day at school.  He has after school care.  Most days he gets picked up by us right away.  Sometimes he has to wait a little bit, but he is well taken care of.  He’s a big boy now. I mean look at him. He’s growing and he is handsome. I don’t want him to grow up!!  Ugh… Soon he’s going to start liking girls... I can’t think about this right now.  Let’s move on. 

Jason is going to daycare/preschool. We found a new daycare in our area that also has a curriculum.  When we enrolled he was put in the two-year-old class, but they switch him over the threes because he is too advanced. I believe it, that kid can talk up a storm, and he’s super smart!  He knows his ABC’s (at the song...anyway).  Look at him; so cute. I don’t want him to grow up either…

I am usually gone to work by the time everyone wakes up.  So, Ruben gets the kids ready in the morning and drops them off. Most of the time he picks them up too because his job is more flexible than mine. Honestly, I hesitated working again because my worry was the kids.Ruben re-assured me multiple times that he would do everything in his power to help me and so far, he has kept true to his word.  So much, that I think that now Jason loves him more than me. Seriously. He cries for his dad! Even though this should make me feel worthless, it actually makes me really happy. My kids should love their dad that much. He is a good man!  

And so that’s it for now. I haven't blogged because... to be completely honest, I just haven't made time. We are very active in church, and so any time that we have free we spent it together, or doing the extensive piles of laundry.  So that is the honest-to-God truth. 

I would like to promise to you that I will blog every week, but I have made that promise before and have failed.(sorry!)  I will, however, blog on some special occasions that are coming up.  So.. just follow me on social media, and you will know when I post. 

k bye.

I can no longer hide it

This is a very true story.

Yesterday I was asked if I would be attending YOUTH camp. Although I am very flattered that someone would consider my attendance, I am quite certain I am above the age limit.  

Is granny allowed in?

“Just don’t tell them your age,” they said.  Ha! 

First, I will not lie… but for the purposes of this blog post, let’s say I did.  I have been told many times I look younger than I am. In fact, when I tell people my age they are shocked. (sometimes they oversell, but tbh I kind of like it) So perhaps, I would get away with not declaring my real age.

AND Let’s just say that I did that and got away with it.  Need we be reminded that I also have children!  Really cute children too. 

“Don’t tell them you have kids?” they said.  

I guess.  I mean people already think I am younger than I actually am. So I guess they could believe that.  but ... only if I did not have a real conversation with anyone.  BECAUSE once anyone had a real conversation with me they would totally know I was a mother. I CAN NO LONGER HIDE IT. Not that I want to. But IF I did, I definitely could not.  It is written on my face.  You can see it in my facial expressions. You can hear it my tone of voice. You can tell, just by how I look around.  Matter of fact, the other day Pastor called me the “mother of the youth”.   And to be honest, I didn't mind the title... I can be, but only if I'm allowed to discipline those hooligans. hehe.

So here are things I have done that are a prime example of my motherhood-ness:

• Fill my Instagram with pictures of my boys. (This is major) 
• Cry... when I have seen an older mother with older boys because that will be me in the future.   
• Touch my heart when I hear a teenager/young-adult talk about struggles.  That may be my child one day.  (Does anyone else do this?)
• The "mom-look"... at anyone who I feel proud of.
• The death stare. 

AND some things I have said to people who are not my children: 

• “Let her smack herself in the face.  That’s the only way she will learn!”  speaking figuratively, of course.
• “Don’t even think about it...” with the pointing finger of course.
• “Please and thank you!”  to someone who obviously forgot their manners at home.
• “When I was younger…”  or “In my time…”  I feel like I do this a lot, and also I might be feeling older than I actually am.
• “Please don’t do that…”  “Please don’t touch that...”   all said with that mom tone.  I can’t control it.
• “You don’t need it, you want it!”  Not that it’s any of my business. I’m aware of that, that’s why it’s followed with… “get it!” Lol.
• “These kids are crazy.”
• "You're too young to date.  Do you have a job? a car?" 
• “Hey!” followed by the death stare.

That's all I can think of right now.  I'm sure there is more.   

"You can be a Den Mother," They said.  I want to be a camper... Therefore, I will not be going to youth camp.  

Sorry. 

What are some things that you say that are motherly?  
Or maybe things your mom says to you? 

Not a small average move II

Let's continue from where we last left off.

(If you have no idea what that means, may I suggest reading THIS post first). 

We arrived at our destination on a Monday.  We were welcomed by the Pastor, Co-Pastor and Ruben's uncle.  They took us home, and we quickly headed out to purchase our essentials.  Ruben gave us a tour of the area and by the time we arrived home and set up our things it was bedtime.  We were so tired everyone fell asleep quickly. The next day we had to run some important errands, so we did that. We headed to New Orleans and spent most of our day there. Since we had arrived, we had been so busy settling in that I didn't really have time to sit down and process all my emotions.  BUT It was Tuesday, and Tuesday is a church day.  So when the time came we got ready and went to church. 

We arrived at the church.  We sat down in the safest place to me.  In the left-est side of the church, which is where I would've sat in Canada.  I would've sat in the front but as a new person I was only there to "observe". (you know how it is).  So there we are sitting awkwardly. Spectating. Like new people do.  Then this man goes up to the altar and says "Let's come to the front for prayer like we always do... etc"  So we obey and go up to the front-ish.  Then the same man says "Let's form prayer circles.. prayer circles..."  I think my facial expression must've indicated I was freaking out because the Co-pastor approached us and said "Guys, please don't feel pressured.  Just relax!".  I laugh at it now, but in that moment I was completely terrified. My thoughts were where do I go? Who am I going to pray with? y'all (introverts) know what I'm talking about.  So there I am standing awkwardly and a tiny bit emotional, but at least I'm not alone. Ruben and the kids are also standing awkwardly with me so I still feel a little safe.  

Suddenly, someone comes and tells Ruben the pastor wants to see him in his office. So he leaves, and I started to get a tad more emotional.  Then someone comes up and says "Today we have the nursery, and the kids have a class", and they take my kids, and I'm left there standing alone. That is when it FINALLY sank in. "I moved. I am far away. My family is not here. This is not my church.  I am no longer in control of anything. I am no longer in the know.  I am alone."  My eyes started to water, and I couldn't hold my tears back.  I was glad it was prayer time because I just sat down and put my head on the chair really hoping people thought I was praying. I really think they did, but in reality, I was really really trying to compose myself, because, well you know, first impressions. So I told my myself "suck it up, Cindy!", and I did.  Eventually, Ruben came back, and I managed to go through the rest of the service without shedding a noticeable tear.  

The following days were challenging, we were still getting stuff and remaining busy. Neither Ruben nor I had started working yet. We were still settling in, and getting things organized.  Trying to get a car, getting Benji in school, getting phones, and all the other millions of things that had to get done for us to feel at home.  We encounter some really tedious obstacles along the way and felt like everything was going wrong. It wasn't, it was all the emotions building up.

Then Friday came, prayer service.  Again with the prayer circles! I went to front this time, feeling a little more confident, and no one came to pray with me.  People, please if you see a new person just standing there awkwardly, go and reach out to them. It'll make all the difference!!  So I stood there holding my baby, as he was my safety net, and I got emotional. I cried, but this time I prayed and asked God to help me get a hold of my emotions. The whole time trying to maintain composure, so as to show that I was praying.. not crying!  And so I managed to get through this service as well.  At one point during the service, Pastor asked a sister in the church to speak about how she had to leave everything when she moved to this church. That geared towards us to encourage, no doubt.  She spoke about how hard it was, and how she thought it was worth it because she loved the church and everyone in it! Indeed, it was encouraging to see the God brings you through it, but it also made me question if I would ever feel part of or ever love this church?

When we got home, everyone went to bed. I just sat on the bed. sad. Ruben asked me what was wrong? and that is when I really got emotional. I expressed how no one came to pray with me, and how prayer circles were dumb (they are not), and how everything was different, and how I missed my family, and my church, and my friends, and my job, and everything was going wrong, and the list went on and on. And I cried and cried and cried. And my husband just heard me out, and simply said "I miss my family too, but I am your family and I am here for you", and he just held me until I had cried it all out.  He's a great guy.  We realized we were trying to do too much in a little bit of time, and that it takes time to settle in. We decided to take one thing at a time, for our own emotional sake. 

The lesson to learn here is that sometimes you just gotta cry! Just let it all out. Cry your little heart out until you feel better. That's all you need to do sometimes.  I definitely felt better afterward and I haven't cried about that since... well except on my bday, and the other day when I talked about my mom.  OK, it's normal to cry when you miss family, but I no longer dwell on that, thanks to God! God brought me through it like he always does. Praise Him!

About two weeks later I had to deal with a different kind of emotion, but that's a story for another post.

Benjinisms

My boy turned 6 years this month.  YES, SIX! like, remember THIS post?  Although it seems like yesterday, it was actually quite a while ago.  I can't even believe I have a six-year-old.

In honor of his 6th birthday, his aunts and I decided that we were going to share some Benjinisms on twitter.  If you are wondering what that is, let me tell ya. Unlike Bushisms, they are not errors in public speaking. Benjinisms are just things that Benji has said that are smart and/or cute.  Yes, I created this because, well, I can. Anyways, He is a pretty smart fella and also is a "mad cutie", as my husband would say.

Let's begin.

"We are a family and we are in love" - He still believes this to be true, and it is my favorite thing ever!

"I will have a duplicate of what he is having," said to a waitress, and she was quite impressed.

"Mom, when I went on your iPad, I did some research on jets, and I found a jet that is named Jason" -  Also, the other day he went on youtube and actually searched "Research on Crocodilians".

This coming from his tia (aunt) Mary: 
Me doing a crossword puzzle "umm, Cindy, what's another word for Intelligent?"
Cindy does not respond.
Benjamin: "Oh Tia, BRILLIANT, or SMART!"
Me: "Thanks, Benji, your mom is no help"

This is straight from his Tia Ruth:
Today is Benjamin's sixth birthday and we are going to share some of his brilliance, as well as his idea that because he loves you, certain questions are dumb:

Benji: "Tia, let's go get pizza."
Me: "Will you share your pizza with me?"
Benji: "Yeah! I love you!"

The last one is from his tia Ray: (he has lots of tias)
Tia: "You are my family"
Benji: "yes, and family is everything"

How did we get so blessed with a smart and loving son!
You can find more #Benjinisms on twitter.  I will be posting.

Also, I will continue speaking about my move in the next post. If you have any questions about my move, ministry or anything, you can leave a comment or message me. I will be doing a Q&A. So, stay tuned for all the good stuff!

Not a small average move, I must say

I have intentionally neglected this blog.  Although in my mind I am always thinking about it.  It has been with good reason and I do feel that I owe an explanation. The reason is that we moved.  Not a small average move, I must say. We have moved to a different country. If you follow me on social media, you know by now that we moved to Louisiana.

My husband lived here in his teens and has always had a desire to return.  When we first got married he mentioned wanting to move here and I was absolutely against it. I had made a promise to myself that I would never ever return to the States. Just the thought of even visiting would give me a knot in my stomach, and a nauseating unsettling feeling. So that's how we lived; never thinking about it again. Every now and then my husband would reminisce about his days in the south and state how much he loved it, and that's how far the conversation would ever go.

One day my husband received an invitation to preach at a youth event in Louisiana, which he accepted.  In preparation for this event, he mentioned how nervous he was because he hadn't been there for so long. He made plans to visit his old church, which his uncle is the pastor of.  The day approached fast and he left for the weekend. I stayed home praying for him, and in my Spirit, I knew that he would not come back the same. I was right. When he returned something had changed in him. He told me that they had invited him to preach at his old church, and when he preached something happened in his Spirit.  He felt a connection with the people. They mentioned to him that they were in need of a youth pastor, and asked if he could stay.  Of course, my husband rejected the idea. He had his family and church that he loved and was not willing to leave. He told me about how they prayed for him and he felt that something happened inside of him, but he could not explain it.  We revisited the topic of moving once again, and after much discussion, we decided we could not leave our families and our church.

About a month later, he received another invitation to preach at his uncle church.  He accepted.  When he returned he told me that they invited him to leaders prayer.  They prayed and prophesied over him and he received a word from God. He didn't tell anyone what he had received. It so happens that at the very last minute before his departure he was ambushed by the church leaders basically asking him to move.  They had been intensely praying for quite some time for a youth leader, and the need was great. They expressed the concern they had for the youth group of their church.  This was in accordance with the word God had given him. Even so, the only thing that my husband answered was that he would speak to his wife and pray about it.  They said they would pray too.  That was it.  We spoke about it, and there were a lot of things that would be hard to leave unless God intervened.  So we prayed and they prayed, and I could feel the pull of their prayers in my spirit.

Through prayer, I understood that my husband had a greater calling than what he was doing.  I also understood that he needed mentorship, and to be moved from his comfort zone to be able to fulfill what God had planned for him.  I told God that I believed in my husbands calling, that I knew that I was also part of the plan and that I would go but only if He placed everything in order. As I spoke these words in prayer that knot and the nauseating feeling was lifted. But oh, how heavy were those words in my heart. To leave all those you love, and all that you have worked hard for. IT WAS NOT EASY!  My husband and I prayed, waited and set a date, to set a date. During this time we set signs that only God knew and only God could fulfill.

As time went by all the things that were happening were indicating that God was working in Lousiana's favor.  I will not get into details of everything that suddenly changed, but signs were fulfilled.  All I can say is that when you ask God to guide you, He does. And he does so in a way that you will clearly understand. YOU have to be realistic and accept God's guidance.  Many times he speaks to us again and again and we choose not to understand because we prefer to be where we are comfortable.  God spoke to us, as clear as day, and we understood.

A date for the move was set. We spoke to our loved ones, and although they were sad, they understood.  This was the pattern with everyone we spoke.  To our surprise, there was no opposition. I mean in our human-ness we thought no one cared, but now I know that was not the case. Well, I guess it is NO surprise because God does all things perfect. We bought our plane tickets, quit our jobs, sold all of our possessions and literally came with a suitcase of clothes each. Now, I do not recommend this unless you are 100% sure that God is calling you elsewhere.  So like, don't try this at home type of thing. I still can't believe it, to be honest.

Everything happened so fast. (as seems to be the norm in my life)  All of a sudden we were on a plane to our new life. I didn't even cry on the plane. I was so worried about the kids, who did amazing by the way, that I didn't have time to process my emotions until a few days after the move...  and that story is for the next post.

October 30, 2017