The best advice given to me

About a year or so ago, I was in desperate need of help. I honestly thought I was going to end up ill from stress or something. I was overwhelmed with so many things on my plate and was having a hard time balancing all of my responsibilities.

At a church conference, I met Sis. Torres.  I had heard her husband mention how they went into ministry quite young and also had small children during that time and I felt like I could relate.  So, when we were at a pastor’s lunch I was praying to God that I would somehow end up sitting near Sis. Torres so I could ask her for some advice. Basically, I just needed someone to talk to that had been in a similar position as me.  Somehow, because God knows, she ended up sitting right beside me. We engaged in some small talk. I finally got the courage to ask her how she was able to balance ministry, motherhood and all the other responsibilities; she gave me the best advice.  I had asked other people and they had just said “hang in there. God will reward you. Your kids will grow. It’ll get better.” This advice was not wrong, but to be honest not very helpful.   

Sis. Torres said to me “honestly sister, raise your kids. Your kids will not be little forever but whatever you teach them NOW will stay with them forever. You are in the season of raising your kids, and God knows, you can do all those things later.  There will be other opportunities, but you will never have your kids this young again.” 

She is right, and I have taken this advice to heart. Since receiving this advice, I’ve had to say no to many things but I’ve also learned that I can’t control everything and it’s okay to let other take control.

Plus, he is the happiest baby ever! 

P.S.  I want to do a Q&A for next post. Send me your questions and I will answer them on here. 

But alas by the Grace of God, I have graduated

MY UPDATE:

Last year I gave a lesson to the young girls called “Your Season of Independence”. During that lesson I talked about how everything in life has season, and that at that time it was their season to focus on God and themselves. As in, focus on your relationship with God, your ministry, your studies, and accomplishing your goals. I said one very true thing, and it was that when you do things out of season, things become harder than they were intended to be.  It’s not to say that you won’t be able to accomplish what you want, it’s just that the struggle is greater. I am a real living example of the struggle of doing things out of season.  Real life struggles, like worrying who will take care of your children, which can be quite stressful. . . But alas by the Grace of God, I have graduated! 

It was not an easy journey. I had many struggles and obstacles to overcome, and quite honestly, I think back now and wonder how I never lost my sanity. The first thing was who was going to watch my then 3 year old Benji.  I had a few moments of panic, but I am thankful for my church family who is always willing to help.  A sweet sister from my church watched him until I was able to get him into daycare. My husband would drive him to her house at like 6am, and I would take the bus to school.  We only had one car, at the time.  Then I finally got him into the daycare at my school, but now the problem was that we only had one car.  So Benji and I had to take the bus to school, and this fine… until winter rolled along. I had two 8 am classes, and I had to leave the house at 6 am to catch the bus with my then 3 year old in -30 weather.  That was brutal.  Luckily mid-winter God provided us with another vehicle, and that made things easier for us. 

First year classes were a breeze, it was mostly computer based and I found it rather enjoyable to be honest.  The thing that happened was… I got pregnant. The dilemma was that now I didn’t know what to do because I really wanted to finish school, but I also knew that with a baby I wouldn’t be able to.  So I reached out to my teacher, who was so wonderful and supportive, and she said the best thing was for me to take a year off and return after.  So after praying and discussing with hubby, that’s what I did. It was great to stay home with the kids, but I also saw the stress the finances caused on my husband. I even attempted to find a job, but never got called.  I do believe that was the will of God though, because had I worked, I probably wouldn’t have returned to school.  Seeing all my first year classmates graduating and posting about their jobs, saddened me but was also that push I needed to return to school and finish.   

The first thing about returning to school was finding who was going to take care of 9 month old baby. Luckily, a sister from church started a daycare and Jason was her first baby, and she even picked Benjamin up from school. So that was great!  Then mid semester she told me the horrible news of her returning back to work, and once again there was stress. God knows all things and prepares a way before you even know it though. God allowed my In-laws moved close to us, so FIL was able to pick Benji up from school. AND just in the nick-of-time, another sister from church became available to babysit Jason (and she still does).  I know it seems rather stranger but I promise I do not leave my baby with strangers, these are women who I love and are dear to my heart. They have been with us since the beginning of ministry and have been like mothers to me, and I am so grateful to God for them. 

3rd Semester was hard! Apart from having a young baby, a 5 year old, wife duties and ministry responsibilities, the school work load was HEAVY!!!   If there was a time where I showed time management skills, it was then. I adapted a mindset that was to do everything as soon as it was assigned. During those long breaks between classes I would not take time off, I would work through it and did everything possible to finish all my work in school. Even then, I found myself writing essays at 3am. It was quite overwhelming, but I managed to survive (zombie mode).  It was worth it though, because by the end of the semester I was able to explain the process of a civil suit, or a divorce case. I finally felt that all my efforts were worth something. 

For last semester I didn’t have any child care issues, Thank God! What happened in the month of January to mid Feb was that everyone in my home was getting sick. Like back to back, I don’t even know what, or why, or how.  All I know is that, I swear, I didn’t sleep the whole month. Even my friends in school were starting to say things like “again? Your kids are sick AGAIN?”  I had Monday’s off, and I was going to the Doctor’s office every Monday.  The receptionist there will know us forever. FINALLY everything started to go back to normal!  I missed two assignments because of these unfortunate events, but I still passed all my classes. I found a Co-op with a Spanish speaking lawyer, she hired me on right after co-op and it has been a huge blessing on my life. Lastly, yesterday was my graduation and I graduated with Distinction.  If you don’t know what that means… In my school, it is one category above honours!

So, is it possible to accomplish your dreams a little late, and out of season? Yes it is.  

Would it had been easier if I would have done it when it was intended? 100%.  You can avoid all these struggle if you just do things in their season. Keep that in mind! 

Last thing I want to say is… The biggest support I had was from my husband, since the beginning.  I applaud him for everything he has done in this journey.  Secondly my family, and my church fam has all had a part in this journey, from words of encouragement to prayers. Oh and Ms. Salazar for letting me do my interview assignment on her. The diploma is in my name, but in a sense I feel like we all graduated. 

*Shout out to Ms. Jocelyn Castro for being a reader for 5 years! YOU ROCK!  

Read my Tips for Surviving School

Tips for Mom-Wife-Student.

When I wrote this post It had been a couple of days after I had received my acceptance letter to college.  I was very excited, as anyone who graduated 10 years ago would be. Finally, one day I laid on my bed trying to fall asleep, and I began to think that I would have to add student to the list of my responsibilities. So, as you can imagine, I did not get much sleep that night just thinking about what I was going to do.  In prayer I asked God to show me how I can balance all of these responsibilities without "burning myself out".  I feel as of now, God has really helped me find a balance. So, now I have couple of tips for those you who are on the same boat, or will be on the same boat as I am. 

1. PRAYER KEEPS YOU SANE  

If you are a "worry wart" then I have two suggestions for you. Keep an active prayer life. You know how psychologist recommend you keep a diary and write everything down?  Well I suggest the same but in my suggestion, I suggest that you talk with God.What will you say to God? EVERYTHING. Tell him what you are worried about, what is stressing you, what your concerns are.. everything. God will give you peace of mind and you will be able to think clearly.. like Philippians 4:6-7 says " Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."  .. Which lead's me to the second point. . .

Write the above verse down, and put it somewhere you can see it everyday. Remember that the word says do not be anxious about anything, don't stress, don't get overwhelmed.  Just pray, and God will give you peace that transcends all understanding. Everyone will wonder how is this person so relaxed, and we are all stressed out?.. well you know the answer. It's all God. 

2. 100% A 100% OF THE TIME? 

Sorry it doesn't matter how much of super mom you are, there is no possible way that you can give 100% to all of your responsibilities, all the time. Come to terms that there will be times where you will have to focus on one responsibility more and ignore the rest.   You have to divide your time, and make sure you have time for yourself too. .. which leads me to my next advice. 

3. KNOW YOUR PRIORITIES

Know your priorities, and make a schedule.  For me, when I am at home, my family and home are the priority. So I schedule homework time during school hours. When I have a class at 11 am, I go to school at 9 am and try to get any assignments done, that way my afternoons are free.  Sitting in the cafeteria eating and chit-chatting with all your friends during your hour long lunch break, is a waist of time and money. After all, you are paying for school, so why not take advantage of that time and head to the lab to work on school work. Have your lunch there.  Make school work a priority when you are at school, it's honestly the best time for homework to be done anyway. My family, and church are a major priority for me. So, doing all my school work at school, leaves the afternoons and weekends free of homework and allows me to focus on my family and church.

4. DO NOT PROCRASTINATE 

Can't stress this enough! Do your homework/assignments as soon as you get them.  why? If you have a child you know they are full of surprises. They get sick randomly, or do things that require immediate attention. Doing your homework right away will eliminate the stress of rushing to get things done on time, at least when it comes to school. You know what else doing your work right away allows...getting ALL your homework done.  When you get all your homework done, you won't have to stay up til wee hours in the morning studying for a test. You will already know the material. Pretty much all your tests are based on the homework you get.. so do it, do it right away, and you will be OK.

5. ORGANIZATION IS KEY

I can't stress how much being organized will simplify your life. A To-do list will be your best friends. I have a school planner where I have all my due dates, tests and homework list.  Then, I have everything else on my iPad.  Write everything down...even if it's a song you have to print out for church. This is so important because it will keep you sane. Trust me.

6. LEARN TO SAY NO

I understand that as Christians we want to support each-other, but we also need to understand that we won't be able to accept every invitation we receive. Which leads me back to priorities.  Should I go to that birthday party or should I get some rest because I have an early class.  What is your priority?  For me, it's school. Therefore I would have to decline the invitation to the birthday party.  In a nice way, of course. Taking on "too much" can overwhelm you, so make sure you don't volunteer for any extra stuff that are'nt necessary.

7. HAVE A PURPOSE

What's my reason for school? I want to get educated for several reasons.  I feel that the skills I am learning will benefit the church. I want to teach my son the importance of continuing your education, and my husband and I want to be homeowners one day.  I think about these things everyday when I head to school.  They keep me motivated!

In the end balancing all of life's responsibilities comes down to prioritizing, scheduling and being organized. The most important thing to remember is that we can do all things through Christ who gives us strength. 

 

Sorry for the tired look, but I was actually a bit sick here :D

____

10/18/18 UPDATE: 

When I wrote this, I had finished my first year with one child, Benjamin. After the first year, I had to take a year off to give birth to Jason. When I returned for my 2nd year of school, I had Jason as a baby and Benji as a toddler. That was tough! However, I still followed all my own advice that is in this post. Even so, I still had to pull some "half-nighters" (until 3 or 4am), and I did cry a few times. My husband was my biggest help and supporter. I definitely could not have done it without him. With that in mind, If I had to give extra advice on this post it would be the following:

8. Establish a good support group. 

 Whether it's a neighbor, family, church group or class mates, a good support group will help you get through school. Sometimes, you need just a few hours to study or finish an essay, and having someone you can to for help is key! AND don't be afraid to ask for help!

9. Make a buddy in all your classes. 

Have that person that will take notes for you if you are not there. Things will come up where you will have to miss class or be late to class, and you want to be covered. I tried my best to make at least a couple of friends or contacts that could inform me of anything I missed. Also, return the favor when they are absent. In addition to that, make sure you have all the contact info to your professors, and do not be afraid to ask for help.

10. Don't forget to show love. 

It does not matter how stressed and overwhelmed you are, don't forget to hug your kids, and kiss your hubby.  Take a few min everyday to acknowledge your loved ones, and the people helping you through it. Also, show yourself some love too. Don't feel sorry for yourself. I did this alot, and it's not healthy.  Just remain positive.  It's not forever, and remind yourself that the outcome will be awesome!!

Read my Graduation Story