In honor of Jason turning 4 last month.
“Do you have a lot to do right now?” is the question I get
from Jason every night at bedtime. He
asks me this because he wants me to tuck him in and stay there cuddling until
he falls asleep. Of course, this is very
untimely because, as any mother knows, THAT IS the time to get stuff done. Stuff
like wash the dishes, fold the laundry, sweep, mop, shower, relax and basically
anything that needs no interruption.
So I’ll say to Jason “I have to fold laundry but as soon as
I’m done I will come and check on you. Ok?”, and he’ll responded with a very
disappointed “ok” I follow through though. I do check on him afterwards but he
is always asleep when I get there. AND when that happens, I feel as though I have let him down
– that is the worst feeling.
Mom-guilt. So then I lay in bed contemplating how I can do better as a mom and give my children all
they need from me. I think of what I did wrong, and what I could improve. There I lay - thinking and thinking… until I
finally I fall asleep. So then, I go to sleep with mom guilt.
The funny thing is – in the morning when I wake Jason, he is
just so happy to see me. He sees me as
though I have done nothing wrong, and all the mom guilt goes away. My son just loves me and he is blind to all
my failures. In my eyes I'm the worst, but in his eyes I’m the best!
Isn’t that just the most accurate representation of who
Jesus is? Like Lamentations 3:22-23 says “Through
the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; great is
Your faithfulness.” We fail God daily, and yet His mercies are new every
morning.
That being said, sometimes I do indulge Jason (and myself) and
I’ll just snuggle with him until he falls asleep. Sometimes I even let him snuggle with me in my
bed… especially when he walks through the bedroom door with sleepy eyes. After all- he is my
baby.
